An age-old debate between guys and gals is the way men are wired (visually) vs. women (NOT visually).
Lord knows I’ve had this discussion with my beautiful, smart, funny and generally incredible bride of almost twenty years…, and I’m guessing most married/engaged guys have had it, too. Since it’s the middle of summer, and folks are going to the beach, etc,…, this is as good a time as any to review the subject.
Dennis Prager masterfully covers such topics in his live appearances and on his radio show, especially during the “Male/Female Hour”. Using equal parts humor and common sense, Dennis can be trusted to get past various misconceptions, and pull out the truth of the matter.
My favorite part of his video (below) is when Prager says:
“…There’s another thing women need to know. Within seconds of (beautiful women) disappearing from view, (a man) has no memory of ANY of these women.
It’s as if they never existed…”
And if anyone doesn’t believe that, here’s a test: just check out the completely befuddled look on the face of any guy as you interrogate him about woman “X”, whom he supposedly saw earlier that day. If he can accurately identify her face, clothing, height or even her hair color, then you’re likely either married to/dating a police officer (who’s trained to recall such details) …or another woman.
Hopefully this puts this issue to rest, and we can move on to other eternal questions between the sexes, like “why DO women go to the bathroom in packs?”
Seriously, I’m still clueless on that one.
“…The London newspaper The Daily Mail listed the top ten problems experienced by couples on vacation together.
Topping the list was: The man looking at other women in bikinis on the beach.
Now, in another Prager university course, I explain the sexual power of the visual on men. And as I show, and as everyone readily understands unless misled by a politically correct college course the power of the visual to excite men has no analogue in women. Women don’t get excited by virtually every male body at the beach. Male legs don’t turn them on like female legs turn men on. Etc. etc.
It takes massive willpower for a heterosexual man not to look at bikini-clad women. And few men — even the nicest, finest, and most monogamously faithful and loving — have such willpower.
So, the Daily Mail notes, this frequently causes problems when a couple’s itinerary includes a visit to the beach.
And what exactly is the problem? The problem is that the wife or girlfriend feels threatened by his looking.
And why does she feel threatened?
Because she thinks he is comparing her to those women.
And why does this disturb her?
Here are three reasons.
First, virtually every woman, no matter how attractive, thinks that when her man is looking at other women – other women in general, and in bikinis especially — he is finding them more attractive than her.
Second, she thinks that he is therefore dissatisfied with her, which in turn arouses the unspoken but primal fear that he might leave her.
And third, she is sure that her man will continue to think about these women long after they have disappeared from sight.
So now, let’s analyze these three reasons.
First, does the husband or boyfriend find these women on the beach – or for that matter anywhere else — more attractive than he finds his wife or girlfriend?
Well, since I believe that only honesty works in the long run, the answer is sometimes, yes. He may very well find some of those women more physically attractive than his woman. But, here’s the point that most women, again understandably, don’t know: with very few exceptions, it doesn’t matter!
You heard me right. Of course, when looking at these other women, he may find some of them more physically attractive than the woman he is with. But – and here’s the good news – SO WHAT??
Presuming he is attracted to you – and if he isn’t, it doesn’t matter if you’re vacationing in a monastery and all he sees is are monks – he wants YOU.
I repeat, he wants YOU.
And if he does, all these other women won’t amount to a hill of beans.
There’s another thing women need to know. Within seconds of her disappearing from view, he has no memory of any of these women. When in sight, they can take over his male mind. But out of sight, they are out of mind. It’s as if they never existed.
Yes, the visual gets men’s total attention in a matter of seconds, but as soon as the woman he was focused on vanishes, most men forget what they saw in an equal number of seconds.
Why does this come as news – and hard to believe news, at that — to most women? Because you, the woman, remember the women your man looked at. And you therefore think that he, too, remembers them. But let me assure you he doesn’t. Most men under torture couldn’t identify the women they looked at that the hour before, let alone the day before if they were shown photos of them along with photos of women they had never seen.
And more good news! His seeing women who he thinks for that moment are more attractive than you has no bearing whatsoever on his being “dissatisfied” with you.
Men find other woman attractive in large measure just because they are other women. Men are programmed by nature to want variety – indeed endless variety. That’s why God-fearing King Solomon had 700 wives and another 300 concubines, and secular Hugh Hefner had at least that many lovers.
In sum, then, when your man looks at these other, perhaps even “more attractive” women, he is:
A) Not comparing you to them
B) Not in any way becoming dissatisfied with you, and
C) Certainly not thinking of them later.
He looks at them because they are other women, whether they are more attractive, just as attractive, or less attractive. They are women in bikinis. So he looks.
The point of all this is that, where there is basic domestic harmony and mutual physical attraction, more than anything, your husband wants you. When he looks, he isn’t comparing, he isn’t getting dissatisfied, and he won’t have a clue later as to who he saw. When you’re back in your hotel room, put on your own bikini, and tell him you want him. Because again, more than anyone else in the world, he wants you.
If you don’t believe me, ask him. You’ll be glad you did. And so will he…”