Open letter to the #NSA…

Running short on time today, so I’m ‘re-blogging’ a great post that I read last week. Written by a blogger known only as “zombie“, this is easily one of (if not THE) most creative takes on NSA snooping/spying yet. 

Enjoy. 

–JTR

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(**Originally published at PJMedia.com on June 12, 2013)

To: doesn’t_matter@you’ll_read_this_regardless_of_the_address.com

From: zombie@z0mbietime.com

Dear NSA,

Constitution   Allah Ackbar  Tea Party  bomb   abortion   patriot   gun   IRS Islam   dog whistle   Obama   prayer   tax  surveillance.

There. Now that I’ve gotten your attention, can we have a chat?

If you have any pull with the American Psychiatric Association, could you please recommend to them that the psychological state formerly known as “paranoia” should be no longer defined as a mental illness? Asylums all across the country are filled with people whose only neurosis is the vague feeling that they are being spied on or followed by unseen powerful enemies.

But now we know that everyone is being spied on every time they pick up the phone, buy something, use the Internet, or walk around in public — so it turns out that these “paranoid” patients aren’t delusional after all. It seems rather unfair to lock us them up and classify us them as crazy if our vague feelings of being stalked by the government turned out to be true.

To make sure you get this message, may I also say: 9/11   Eric Holder   birth certificate  Bill Ayers   drone   Orwell   Anonymous leak.

And in conclusion, just in case your algorithm has gotten overloaded, I’d like to not mention my private, personal opinions about the Second Amendment, Fourth Amendment, and Ninth Amendment (and you really don’t want to know what I think about the Sixteenth Amendment). For more information, please read the Fifth Amendment.

Thank you.

— zombie

PS — Tell the IRS that the best times for for my upcoming audit are Tuesdays and Thursdays, but unannounced visits from the EPA, FBI, OSHA or ATF would be more convenient on Monday afternoons or Wednesday mornings.

And, needless to say, you can eavesdrop any ol’ time.